Grand Canyon University Protects Its Snowflakes from Being Triggered

•February 7, 2019 • Leave a Comment

Grand Canyon University, a Christian University which is supposedly America’s largest, has canceled a speech to its students by Ben Shapiro, the politically conservative Jew. Is this an outbreak of anti-semitism in Christian academia? No, of course not. Here is the university’s defense: the university’s administration wants to “bring unity to a community that sits amidst a country that is extremely divided.” What a great idea! Bring unity by suppressing intelligent free speech. Why, with such progressive thinking, soon the university will be as unified and peaceful as the journalists on China’s CCTV in Beijing. And they will be as unified as the administration of Shantou University in Guangdong province, China, which recently forbad professors from mentioning Christianity or teaching anything about “objective ethics.”

Ben Shapiro

The administration went on to say that the school’s mission was to promote the peace that Jesus sought when he said “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Wow! I have learned something about Jesus. He promoted peace by stifling speech and debate. I must have misread Scripture. Apparently Jesus grabbed those nasty Pharisees and Saducees and stuffed handkerchiefs down their throats. I guess he was afraid to debate his opponents in open debate, because the debate may have caused division.

Thank you, Grand Canyon University, for your commitment to peace. I am sure the parents who are footing the bill for your students’ tuition will be pleased to find that, upon graduation, their children have been transformed into peaceful, mindless wimps.

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Social Justice Warriors Teach Me that Chinese Churches are Racist

•February 1, 2019 • Leave a Comment
David Pratt

I hear tell via an old podcast that David Pratt of Birmingham, Alabama has chastised his congregation for being too white. The wicked sinners who comprise his congregation have committed the unpardonable sin: they were born with white skin, and associate mostly with people of the same skin color. With a start, I came to realize that for the 23 years that I spent in China, I was associating with Chinese racists. Every church I attended was 100 percent Chinese, except for me and my wife. Such racism! Such discrimination! Such Chinese privilege! Then I began to think further. What about all those black churches in America? There is no diversity! Such racism! Such discrimination!

Fortunately the two churches with which I am now associated shall escape the fiery denunciations of the social justice warriors, because one has a black pastor, and the other a significant contingent of black folks. One even has an Hispanic couple. How holy we are! Haven’t the social justice warriors of the evangelical left taught us that what matters is the color of our skin? None of that Martin Luther King nonsense about the content of our character!

Cabins in the Corner of Gloryland

•January 24, 2019 • Leave a Comment

It is so refreshing to observe the spirituality of word of faith prosperity preachers. Jesus said (John 14:2 NIV) “My Father’s house has many rooms.” But the mark it and park it crowd is apparently better off here on earth than they will be their father’s house in heaven. (See the above houses, in order clockwise, of Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Benny Hinn, and Joel Osteen).

The scream it and redeem it boys have even figured out how to be more spiritual than Jesus. After all, Jesus said himself he didn’t have anywhere to lay his head. But the blab it and grab it bunch have got plenty of places to lay their heads!

The call it and haul it guys have provided a great advance in American Christian spirituality. Remember the bad old days when somebody could sing “A Cabin in the Corner of Gloryland,” and no one would call him out for his lack of faith and his poverty complex?

Don’t need no mansions, nor earth’s sinking sand
Just give me a cabin in the corner of glory land.

One wonders if the earth might sink around the palaces of the speak it and keep it crowd. If it might open up and swallow the inhabitants whole, like Korah and his rebels. The rest of us could cordon off the area, sell tickets, and get rich, too. And wouldn’t that be fun?

I Calculate The Amount of Reparations I Owe Thabiti Anyabwile

•January 9, 2019 • Leave a Comment
Thabiti Anyabwile

Thabiti Anyabwile, a Gospel Coalition Council member, tweets that he is in favor of reparations to black Americans in restitution for slavery. I have decided to mathematically help him calculate how many dollars he is due. Let x = the value of expropriated slave labor. Let TA represent Thabiti Anyabwile’s share of the take. X must be reduced by the following factors. 1) X must be reduced by the number of black people in America now in order to determined Mr. Anyabwile’s individual share. The number of black people in America must be determined by racial tests similar to the ones used by the National Socialist government in pre-World War II Germany to determine who was a Jew. The costs for the government agency to administer the racial litmus tests must be calculated, and subtracted from x. 2) Taxes paid by white people (who is white will be determined by the race board aforementioned) must reduce the value of x, because only 20% of southern whites owned slaves, and the percentage is even less when the entire American white pre-Civil War population is considered. 3) X must be reduced by taxes paid by the Irish, Italian, Hispanic, Chinese and other immigrants who migrated to the United States and had nothing to do with slavery. 4) X must be reduced by the value of the contributions that all white people contributed to the abolition of slavery. 5) X must be reduced by the value of all wages currently lost by white people (and other ethnic groups such as Chinese) who are being discriminated against by America’s institutionalized racist affirmative action laws. 6) X must be reduced by the social and law enforcement costs to America when the discriminated-against groups in #5 above take to the streets and to the courts to protect themselves.

After all calculations are complete, we see that the the value of TA (Thabiti Anyabwile’s take) comes to a grand total of $0.02. This figure seems compatible with the average value of the intellectual contributions of evangelical leftist social theoreticians.

Andy Stanley Fights the Theological Police

•January 7, 2019 • Leave a Comment
Andy Stanley Beckons The Unenlightened to Enter His House of Theological Ill-Repute
Andy Stanley Beckons The Unenlightened to Enter His House of Theological Ill-Repute

Upon Leighton Flowers’ invitation to Andy Stanley to participate in a recent podcast, in which Calvinists were roundly castigated and unhitching Christianity from the Old Testament was urged upon an American Christianity which has been slow to appreciate Mr. Stanley’s theological brilliance, Mr. Stanley cast aspersions on the “theological police.” He was referring to the host of staid evangelical stick-in-the-muds who lit up social media with protests over Mr. Stanley’s “unhitching” comment. Mr. Stanley is apparently unaware that red-light districts are routinely policed to protect civilization from certain untoward effects which follow upon the unwholesome activities which are carried on there. This perhaps explains the hyper-sensitive reaction to Mr. Stanley’s comments. Apparently there is sentiment that theological whore houses need policing too.

Two Democrat Lady Senators Are Urged to Join the Ku Klux Klan

•December 24, 2018 • Leave a Comment
Two Faces of Tolerance, Leftist Style

And I thought the KKK had lost the fight to delegitimize the Catholic church. But no – Sens. Kamala Harris (D-Calif) and Mazie Hirono (D-Hawaii) have informed the nation that the Knights of Columbus, that venerable Catholic organization that sprang up in response to nativist bigotry, is an “extremist” organization which supports extremist things such as heterosexual marriage and a prohibition of the slaying of human beings in the uterus. In addition to such horrible extremist practices, Sen. Harris excoriates the Knights for being “all male.” I await patiently for the day that Sen Harris expresses dissatisfaction with the Women’s March for its bigoted sexual exclusivity . The two dragon ladies of the left apparently think that an organization that has two million members in it, and once boasted President John F. Kennedy in its membership, is “extreme.” Sen. Harris took umbrage that Carl A. Anderson of the Knights of Columbus actually uttered this unthinkable sentiment: abortion amounted to “the killing of the innocent on a massive scale.”

I would suggest that these gentlewomen join the Ku Klux Klan. They could then vent their prejudices with like-minded bigots.

Say It Ain’t So, Billy!

•July 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Great men often die not so great. Augustine died sick in a cell, as Vandal barbarians destroyed his state and his church. Gregory of Nyssa, Patriach of Constantinople during the First Council of Constantinople in 381 died a lowly rural cleric in the backwaters of the Empire, estranged from that other great Cappodician Father, his childhood and lifelong friend, Gregory Nazianzus. Ulysses S. Grant, former president of the United States, died of throat cancer, desperately writing his biography to raise money to support his soon-to-be widow. And now we watch Billy Graham.

Billy Graham

Billy Graham is to evangelical Protestants what Messiah Obama is to the adoring American masses. He is an icon, not to be questioned, but to be quoted, and venerated. Fundamentalists, of course, have never liked Mr. Graham. In the light of what Billy Graham has recently stated, one may well ask, were the fundamentalists perhaps correct?

Here is the record:

· Billy Graham in 1997 being interviewed by Robert Schuller:

“I think there’s the Body of Christ. This comes from all the Christian groups around the world, outside the Christian groups. I think everybody that loves Christ, or knows Christ, whether they’re conscious of it or not, they’re members of the Body of Christ… And that’s what God is doing today, He’s calling people out of the world for His name, whether they come from the Muslim world, or the Buddhist world, or the Christian world or the non-believing world, they are members of the Body of Christ because they’ve been called by God. They may not even know the name of Jesus but they know in their hearts that they need something that they don’t have, and they turn to the only light that they have, and I think that they are saved, and that they’re going to be with us in heaven.”

Well, God forbid that I bring up logic, but how in the world does one “love Christ,” or “know Christ” without being conscious of it? This is very deep stuff. I had all along thought that Mr. Graham was an evangelist, not a theologian, but I see now that I was wrong.

Here’s Billy Graham being interviewed by Jon Meacham of Newsweek (August 14, 2006):

On being asked whether he believes heaven will be closed to good Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or secular people, Graham says: “Those are decisions only the Lord will make. It would be foolish for me to speculate on who will be there and who won’t … I don’t want to speculate about all that. I believe the love of God is absolute. He said he gave his son for the whole world, and I think he loves everybody regardless of what label they have.”

This is good news. Apparently God even loves Democrats and Republicans, and will let them into heaven. Such a wide mercy!

In the same interview, Graham goes on to say:

“I’m not a literalist in the sense that every single jot and tittle is from the Lord,”

Hmmm. One wonders where the jots and tittles that aren’t from the Lord came from? The world? The flesh? The Devil? One also wonders which jots and tittles didn’t come from the Lord, and how does one discover what those jots and tittles are? Perhaps a shaft of light from heaven will strike us, even such as happened to Obama supporters, to tell us. Perhaps this is why postmodern emergenics find it so hard to oppose sodomite “marriage.” Perhaps they wonder if those embarrassing Scriptures damning homosexuality are a jot and tittle that didn’t come from the Lord. Oh Happy Day! Billy Graham, like the modern age, is free! Free from the rigid circumscriptions of some sort of medieval morality, imposed upon us by that paper pope we call the Bible.

I have read two bloggers who called or wrote the Billy Graham Association for clarification. One response was a cheery “There only one way to heaven.” Well, I’m glad Mr. Graham’s troops believe what he can’t seem to bring himself to say. Another response was: “You have to understand, he’s getting old.” Ah, the senility defense – all is forgiven old people. Another response was: “Read what he believes in his books.” The inquirer responded, my Catholic father who thinks everyone is saved and my unsaved friends don’t read Billy Graham’s books, they read Newsweek.

I have recently poked fun at several outlandish Christian compromisers. Perhaps it may be thought that the intellectual and theological rot I have been noticing in the American church is not widespread; that I have merely found outliers, evangelical freaks outside the mainstream. Well, Billy Graham ain’t no evangelical extremist. He is evangelicalism. And as he fades into irrelevance, not with a bang but with a whimper, let us recognize him for what he is: an icon beautifully representing the dying American church, as it too fades into irrelevance, too ashamed of its Head to even accurately represent what He said about Heaven and Hell.