Doctrinal Statement

I. Orthodoxy. I believe the Nicene Creed, and the Apostle’ Creed.  I am Trinitarian. I believe in the physical, bodily resurrection of the just as well as the unjust.

II. The Scriptures. I believe them to be inspired, inerrant, infallible, and profitable for refuting the nonsense fomented by evangelical leftists.

III. Soteriology. I’m a TULIP guy. I believe in Total Depravity, and I think leftists pretty well establish the doctrine. I believe in Unconditional Election, because without it, evangelical leftists would be heading for hell for the nonsense they preach. I believe in Limited Atonement, Irresistible Grace, and the Perseverance of the Saints. I am a “new covenant theology” guy; neither dispensational nor covenant theology.

IV. Ecclesiology. I believe the scriptural New Testament church was not an historical accident, but an example, pattern, and inspiration for today’s church. Therefore I reject today’s traditional institutional, denominational church as an aberration. I also reject seeker-friendly churches, megachurches, and emergent churches as aberrations. I happily embrace what is variously called “house church”, organic church, relational church, or simple church.

V. Eschatology. My paradigm for understanding is (orthodox ) preterist. I am postmillennial; I believe in the continuing prosperity of the gospel on the planet, despite the presence of evangelical leftists. I am not a theonomist postmil, nor a liberal postmil, but rather, a classical postmil.

VI. Hell. It should always be capitalized, because it’s a place, like Washington, D.C., and it is not a state of mind. As a matter of fact, a lot of the creatures in Washington, D.C. will ultimately find residence there.

VII. Human Sexuality. I am a complementarian who believes that any Christian man who is an evangelical feminist is either a) Scripturally uninformed, b) crazy, c) a wimp, or d) all of the above. It normally would go without saying that two men or two women shouldn’t marry each other, but maybe I should, because you’re not going to hear the evangellyfish say it too much. Maybe I should also mention that men and women should not marry sheep or other beasts.

VIII. Pneumatology. I share the relevant theology concerning the third person of the Trinity and spiritual gifts with charismatics, even though about ninety percent of them need to be institutionalized. I believe charismatics are necessary, because they allow evangelical leftists by contrast to actually appear sane.

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