Andy Being Wussy

A blogger by the name of Andy (andybeingachristian), giddy over the strides the church has made towards unity in the twenty-first century, has defined postmodern Christian belief, explicity using the term. Andy gushes:

“A post-modern belief that knowing God is more important than knowing things about him, that loving people is more important than understanding and that there is no invalid way of worshipping God, is the packaging for the new consensus.”

I am confused. I wonder: how does one know God without knowing anything about him? Just how is that possible? For example, if I want to know Messiah Obama (Blessed be His name), don’t I need to know things about him, like how he in Cairo compared Israel’s treatment of the Palestinians to the Nazis’ treatment of the Jews? Like how he says he loves fiscal constraint, while at the same time submitting a budget the size of which has never before been seen by civilized man? It seems to me that through knowing things such as this about Messiah Obama (Blessed Be His Name) that I can deduce his quasi-divine nature, and thus know him. For only a god-man could say the things he does, and not be contradicted by men who are otherwise immune to the blandishments of snake-oil peddlars.

Perhaps Andy is married. Perhaps he knows his wife, but doesn’t know anything about her. Her likes. Her dislikes. Her birthday. Her anniversary date. Her parents and siblings. Her favorite color. Perhaps when he thinks of her, his mind goes blank, because he doesn’t know anything about her. Now here is a truly postmodern concept of married love: “loving my wife is more important than to understand her.” Now, men shall not even be tasked with the impossible burden of understanding the opposite sex. All we have to say is: “I love you, honey!” and that’s it.

Andy is showing us the way to freedom from old doctrinal hangups. No longer do we need to wrestle with such outmoded concepts as justification, propitiation, the Trinity, the incarnation, or heterosexual marriage. All that stuff does is divide Christians. All we need to say in these postmodern times is: “I love you, Jesus!” (Just like Heidi Pratt twittered “I love you, Jesus!” in advance of her big photoshoot with Playboy magazine, with which she has contracted to bare her soul, and other things). It’s all so simple now: no doctrine, no division! What a great idea.

Andy says there is “no invalid way of worshipping God.” No invalid way! Wow. Think of the possibilities. We could worship naked. We could every night light a candle to God’s messenger Messiah Obama (Blessed be His Name), while we meditate on the words of Messiah Obama’s (Blessed be His Name) good friend Mohammed. We could worship God by community organizing. We could smoke doobies while we read The Audacity of Hope.

Andy, you are hereby nominated for the Evangelical Wussy Puss of the Week.

~ by matthewdavidcameron on June 23, 2009.